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The Critical Poet Forum Index » Post Poems for Mild Critique The time now is Fri Sep 10, 2010 9:38 pm
Reply to topic    Look into all Of
Look into all Of
godkislucifer
Member

Joined: 01 Oct 2009
Posts: 98
Location: Bear, Delaware
Post Posted: Sat Feb 06, 2010 12:54 am Reply with quote
eyelash photos
              a late flash
              de vile lips
         a snapshot picture
         of invited light gives
      exposure to an invented
              wipbent eye
             
              don't blink



my tongue is
octomum her
children
             slip the sight
    amusements to her muse  



              is their mirror
         as bright as my smile
                is brighter
        than ill looming flashes

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Re: Look into all Of
The Thief
Member

Joined: 18 Mar 2009
Posts: 249
Post Posted: Mon Feb 08, 2010 8:44 pm Reply with quote
confusing piece - this too has been following me around all day

can you help me with 'wipbent'?

what we let in vs. what people can see in - invited/invented
'is their mirror as bright as my smile' - reflection, cracks in the facade

there are (whiplash/eyelash/late flash) lots of assonance and internal rhymes. Snapshot/exposure coming back to images with a different slant
I sense a fast pace in this  -almost stream of consciousness but with a specific direction
seems mostly doomed with the 'ill looming flashes' that will invade and shatter the illusion or invented reality

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Every Poet is a Thief
All kill their inspiration
and sing about their grief
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