in poor Selene’s music box
chinese dancers
pirouette and crumble
we skip from mine to mine
to yours
pausing at open windows
as Peace storms out
amateur pornographers
in suits of many skins
stare at reflections of regret
in the kaleidoscopic scum
tea cools in cracked cups
sheets flap accusingly
ceiling fan medivac
screaming
morphine
embrace

I'm waiting for others to respond to this beautiful piece about the tragedy in Haiti, as I read it, before I lavish praise.  I don't want to give a person too many compliments.  

Hi thief

Been a while, hope you are well.

I love this poem, even though for some reason I break at different points to the ones you have set for me.


Selene  -  I can only think of the goddess?

I have a couple of thoughts -

in suits of many skins

I want to read this as -

in skins of many suits



in the kaleidoscopic scum  -  I would like the break to be at kaleisoscopic

ie  kaleidoscopic scum / scumtea

Sorry to be so brief here, I'm on someone else's pc.

Really enjoyed catching this power piece.

Best, always

Zoe

The Thief wrote:

in poor Selene’s music box chinese dancers pirouette and crumble we skip from mine to mine to yours pausing at open windows as Peace storms out amateur pornographers in suits of many skins stare at reflections of regret in the kaleidoscopic scum tea cools in cracked cups sheets flap accusingly ceiling fan medivac screaming morphine embrace

Thank you both
Don't hold your breath , Rosa!
Zoe: interesting suggestions I can play around with. 'scum' could actually go altogether. I am looking for an oil/gas on water connotation both in the separation 'mixing like oil and water' and the rainbow/prismatic light reflection- a river running through 'it'  like a vein, heart of darkness, rebirth/styx but scum covered etc.
The skins line provokes many thoughts and I will mull these ov er -I think it was about personas & pretence/external vs internal a little 'Silence of the Lambs' and what we show vs what we are?
Selene is purely useful - a hidden joke/play on words with the porcelain of the chinese dolls. The French influence of the name also fits the piece as it contains a couple of references to Vietnam, but is more universal and Haiti definately applies.

Hm. Just ready to say no nits. But Zoe made such a good point with "in suits of many skins". I re-read it without the line entirely. That's good. And, reversing the order, very good, too. Though, that would add a slightly different meaning...Anyway, perfect ending. "Embrace". Implies hope, and speaks to Selene's dancers who probably have their arms above their heads, in an "o", a kind of visual embrace. Hm. Terrific poem. I'd like to read it again if you do any edits.

Well this needs a critique which is beyond me.  I can't even say why but its a powerful piece. My only trouble is the ending - linebreaks perhaps.  Sorry to be vague !