a river of stars
the universe understands
why we turn the stones
at this edge we are alive
wistfully we blow kisses

through the cold spaces
left between these words we share
under a roving sky
these never-ending mudras
turning old stone to sunshine

on this cosmic shore
sentient for one deep breath
still the stars flow by
a dog moans for his master
the universe understands


jc

ic colors, is that you, from another site? If it is you, hello! How are you? Nice to see you again.

If it isn't you, oops! Hello, anyway.  

Stopped by quickly to say "hi".

I'll come by later, when there's time, to say something somewhat intelligent about why I love that last stanza.

Hello Rosa;

I don't know if we have met before, but I will look farward to hearing your thoughts concerning this poem...

It's good to meet you now!

jc

jc, I thought your s/n read "ic". Sorry.

Anyway, I love the third stanza. You echo the river imagery in the 1st stanza, the breath in S2, it comes full circle. The dog constellation image is wonderful. It's so earthy, grounds this poem.

Small nit. I think S2 doesn't quite fit with S1, the way it is written. I love the imagery within, though. It reads that the "kisses" are "colder than the space". For some reason, I want warm kisses here. "we are alive"! We're blown away by the immense sky, and this lovely place. If you meant for the cold kisses, well, okay. I've misread another poem. lol.

Do you mean that the air is cold, and the kisses are stuck in cold air? Just a thought.

Enjoyed the read.

Well well well!  What a beautiful poem jc!  I have actually read it many times, I've just not had the proper time to devote to a response.  I just think this has a very good understanding of the universal.  I have posted some revisions below, but I have to say, I do adore this write.

I just got rid of some of 'the the's' and changed a few line breaks.  I think the biggest change was in the last bit, where you said 'stars flow by', I changed that to 'fly by' not sure why I just read it that way.

Cheers, and I hope to read more of your stuff, it really has potential!

W

River of stars the universe
understands why we turn  
stones on this edge we are
alive wistfully we blow kisses

through the cold spaces
left between these words we share
under a roving sky
these never-ending mudras
turning old stone to sunshine

on the rivers edge
sentient for one deep breath
still the stars fly by
a dog moans for his master -
a universe understands

thanks weaver...your time and thought are much appreaciated.
this poem has be rolling around for several years..
looks like it may just settle down soon..
thanks again for your response..it is very helpful.

jc