Before the word
moon was invented
only the sound

of owls could be heard.
They pretended
to be wolves

in the night.
The ocean tide
was a network

of air and silence--
this noise of keys
clicking on cave stones.





---

Hi, Maria.
This was lovely to read. I like the whole concept of 'before the word', it conjures up a wonderfully ethereal space. The last two lines however, throw me a bit. My first thought (probably just by practical side kicking in) was as in 'house keys'. Since that didn't work so well, I went to 'piano keys'.
I havn't quite figured what you were actually going for, other than an 'early noise', but it doesn't spoil the poem for me!

I really like it!

Thanks.
Mila

Mila,
thanks for your comment. I'm glad you enjoyed this poem-let.
I'm referring to computer keys. It's always interesting how the sounds around you can unconsciously influence the way you write, what you are thinking, feeling. That's what I'm trying to explore here - the infinite and random shades of feelings that lie between sounds and noises.
By the way, I was madruida on the old critical poet site, but that sure was a long time ago.
Thanks, again.

Maria

Computer keys! Of course!

(ahhh yes...I remember the name madruida)

Best to you.
Mila

I remember you too, Mila.
Thanks for coming back to this. I'm not so sure anymore what I'm trying to convey with this poem.
I'm a bit confused actually.

Appreciate your comments,
Maria

Dear Poet -

Pardon me for saying so but this poem
is cute.  This is not much of a critique but my favorite
part of this poem is the first stanza.  It is genius.

It makes me smile

Hi Maria,
 Shakespeare would be proud of your pagan landscape. owls, wolves, etc. why not turtles? other creatures. just found that more night sounds might give this even
more depth. why not say "computer keys" so we don't race to check off all the possible keys you could mean. with stones clicking, I think of making fire--the ulitmate human creation to ensure survival. cooking food etc. metabolizing quicker until we eventually hold dominion over the night, where once night kept folks by the fire inside, away from the wolves, any of those predators that might stalk someone unfortunate to be out walking under the light of the moon. enjoyed, your poem, pablo

Pablo,
nice, I know someone called Pablo. Thanks for enjoying this kind of ambitious poem-let. I don't know if we can compare computers to making fire, but I certainly like to believe I could do without computers. Not without fire. I sometimes like to write a series (if that's what you can call them) of poems focusing on a natural element. I have therefore indulged in clouds and rain, trees, flowers.  Welcome to my moons, glorious and not so glorious. I'm really keen on reading Shakespeare, thanks. By the way, I managed to get free internet connection away from home, although I prefer walking in the silences of nature only. I still am unsure on how to revise my Sunday Coffee, but just wanted to thank you.


Thanks to you, too, Something Fantastic

Maria

Hello Maria!

I enjoyed your poem-let; it has the quality of saying more than what's merely written or literal. I, too, feel that your opening lines are memorable and very effective--"Before the word/ moon was invented..." feels primeval and primordial. The only thing that I have a problem with is the sense in the last two lines: wouldn't it be clearer if instead it read,"this noise of keys/ echoing on cave stones"; or, "this clicking of keys/ echoing on cave stones"?

Ngoc Nguyen~"Apple"