Revised:  

I ( innocently) clicked a picture of the (unique) desk’s
modern hinges akin to ones on a card table -
with my cell phone 8meg camera like it was no big deal.

It was a big deal!
My name echoed suddenly throughout numerous rooms as if
Moses coming down off the mountain
Called my given name.
As if cell phones were GPS modules giving off
One’s CV in a nanosecond

‘Come with me!‘ was a vaguely familiar but scary voice with no face.
Ushered through rooms in pin dropping silence, then
Given over to three big men surrounding me.
Acting as if I wasn’t there
Talking over my head.
Sit here! I was commanded.

I did.
‘You’ll be here throughout the night’, the monotone voices said.
I’m perplexed, how did I get in this situation. I’m thinking
Terrorist! And its me!
More men, now a woman, all monotones,
Come with me.

Again we go through rooms
One with a table set for 4 with crystal, china, cloth napkins.
Thoughts run wild. Is this a last meal?
No one speaks, just ushered me through room after room
Of opening and closing doors.
I wasn’t fingerprinted, just ignored.
Thoughts escalate -I’ll never get out of this place
Maybe they’ll send me to Gitmo!

The voice that called out my name,
Was George Bush.
Egad, I voted for Obama!




Original:

I had a dream
Last night
Like no other I’ve had before.

Nonchalantly, I looked at an antique desk
All alone in a room - it‘s the Oval office.
As if the house were my own -
I innocently clicked a picture of the unique desk’s
modern hinges akin to ones on a card table -
with my cell phone 8meg camera like it was no big deal.

It was a big deal!
My name echoed suddenly throughout numerous rooms as if
Moses coming down off the mountain
Called my given name.
Who knows me?
As if cell phones were GPS modules giving off
One’s CV in a nanosecond
I froze.

‘Come with me!‘ was a vaguely familiar but scary voice with no face.
Ushered through rooms in pin dropping silence, then
Given over to three big men surrounding me.
Acting as if I wasn’t there
Talking over my head.
Sit here! I was commanded.

I did.
‘You’ll be here throughout the night’, the monotone voices said.
I’m perplexed, how did I get in this situation. I’m thinking
Terrorist! And its me!
More men, now a woman, all monotones,
Come with me.

Again we go through rooms
One with a table set for 4 with crystal, china, cloth napkins.
Thoughts run wild. Is this a last meal?
No one speaks, just ushered me through room after room
Of opening and closing doors.
I wasn’t fingerprinted, just ignored.
Thoughts escalate -I’ll never get out of this place
Maybe they’ll send me to Gitmo!
And then it dawned on me, why

I was fearful.
The familiar voice that called out my name,
Was George Bush!
Egad, I voted for Obama!
It wasn’t a dream
It was a nightmare!
I woke up elated.
I was free!

Note: This was an actual dream....ridiculous, I know, but it wasn't funny until I woke up!

Mila

Thanks for posting - I'm enjoying your poems. I just want to offer a few suggestions, if you don't mind. First of all, I want to say that I like where you're going with this poem, and the title allows the reader to infer a lot about the dream. So, I'd suggest removing any words/lines that directly refer to the Oval office and the dream itself as nightmare. For that reason, I would do away with the first strophe so the reader can move right into the dream.

So what do you think about starting here ...

I (innocently) clicked a picture of the (unique)  antique desk’s
modern hinges akin to ones on a card table -
with my cell phone 8meg camera like it was no big deal.

The poem is able to capture the readers' interest. I like your use of dialogue and everyday language. I would cut some of the lines that seem to be simply commenting on the dream, like Who knows me?/I froze.

The ending doesn't work for me  ...

And then it dawned on me, why /This is way too telly.

I was fearful./So is this line

I would try tightening up the rest of the poem, from 'the familiar voice' on. For example, you could leave out 'familiar', and these lines ...
It wasn’t a dream/It was a nightmare! /I woke up elated.


Yes, indeed, I can relate to this nightmare.
Enjoyed lots,

Maria

Maria,
Thanks so much for reading and giving me some helpful hints! I've tried your suggestions, as they felt right to me as well.
I may still have to do a bit of editing, but I believe this is a better version than the first.

Really appreciate your thoughtful critique and suggestions.
Glad that you enjoyed my 'little nightmare'.

Mila

Mila

I'm enjoying your revision. Recounting dreams or dream-like states of being in a poem isn't easy.

I'm thinking maybe there'd be nothing wrong with using the present tense.

How does this sound to you ...

I click a picture of the desk’s ....  better to remove the bracketed words here.
hinges akin to ones on a card table  ... also remove 'modern'
with my cell phone 8meg camera like it's no big deal.

It was a big deal!  ... also, this repetition is not really necessary.

I'd therefore work a bit on the last strophe.
Just some further ideas. I hope I've been helpful in some way.


Maria

Yes, thanks very much!
Appreicate your coming back to give it a look over.

Best.
Mila

honestly this looks good but not good enough to eat
pictures and images mixed with words  - work many tricks
the fun part is figuring out the separation between beautiful and ugly


this read was a success but a little too long
and in the middle I allowed myself a pause and a snack
then your poem just carried me, all my senses and all the sounds.


interesting what a sensations and feelings a poem can convey

Hi Alim

I only read the revision on this....

The dream certainly captivates the reader. That said - you could consider  a poem with a starker feel just describing the dream and not giving any commentary.
I'm not satying it would be better - just different.

I really loved the detail of the table setting in the midst of this.

Unfortunatley I don't much like the finish.   Perhaps it distracts  the reader from the content.

Hi Alim,

I agree that the dream conveyed is well communicated and impresses the reader.  I also agree that the last stanza is weak.  I think you have a strong poem if you simply delete the last stanza!

All best,

Brian