Apple, Adam, Eve
sparrows from a bell-
tower

Lucifer too
tumbles – a wished
upon star.

Fruit from every tree
litters gardens every
where, sunken tombstones

across from a farm
dead tracks that once sang
parallel songs to yellow fields.

My abs, your hair, rusted cars
little black flies swirl in the red
of my Cabernet

Last night I swear I saw
Humpty sat on a wall, today
shells in the eggs.

Even the doves have flown -
leaving peace as a bite-mark
on the branches of olives.

weaver wrote:

Apple, Adam, Eve sparrows from a bell- tower Lucifer too tumbles – a wished upon star. Fruit from every tree litters gardens every where, sunken tombstones across from a farm dead tracks that once sang parallel songs to yellow fields. My abs, your hair, rusted cars little black flies swirl in the red of my Cabernet Last night I swear I saw Humpty sat on a wall, today shells in the eggs. Even the doves have flown - leaving peace as a bite-mark on the branches of olives.

Pun-irific, but I think it works, is mostly clever and not snide or too much... I like the Humpty one especially (listen to Aimee Mann's "Humpty Dumpty", one of my favorite songs, to understand why).

"Abs" jars for me... stomach might fit better, abs is a bit specific, or maybe my recent obsession with ab exercises is giving me bad associations here?

I'm torn on those first two stanzas: on the one hand, they work as nice intro, but I feel the poem really takes off at stanza three, but needs that Adam/Eve association, so is it necessary buildup or could it be cut? hrm

Your Abs, My arse!
lol