a fruitarian snake called Cassandra
wrote EAT MANGOES NOT MOLES propaganda
she was banned for her crime
and is now doing time
in the headpiece of Carmen Miranda

a magmarian guy name of Pete
claimed only to eat inner heat
but one of my spies
who fed him cold pies
said Pete scoffed until he was replete

well now Steve is out toning his glutes
whilst ignoring the beanified toots
when he finally reveals
what his mugshot conceals
we’ll say my what a couple of beauts!

but what of the pimples and warts
that dapple his saggy old thwarts?
and with all of those scabs
they look quite like kebabs
those beauteous glutey dreadnaughts!

I set off on an internet trawl
to find big-bottomed pics for you all
but goodness how scary
humungous and hairy
what I found I must say did appal


PS I'm not going to put fat+bottom into google ever again!

Haha, it does sound a bit like putting in "sex" and hoping to find a debate about gender politics. I'm glad you volunteered for this research.

I know . . .  

All I was looking for was a cartoon of a man dragging his fat bottom around. Even the word 'cartoon' didn't persuade google that I wasn't looking for THAT sort of picture. And adding man/guy/bloke etc didn't mean that I didn't get to view some very large bottoms which were undeniably female.

This is a god-given, and very rare, opportunity for me to use the word 'steatopygian', but I'll try to resist!

Is there a similarly obscure word for smartarse?

Yes, 'callipygian'.

I'm wanting to do some more posting,
some roasting and gaming and toasting,
but I'm stuck on the shelf
'cept I talk to myself
or come in here doing some ghosting.

well now Michael if you’re seeing ghosting
then that’s far too much cheering and toasting
when your vision is double
you’re in sooo much trouble
you’ll invariably get quite a roasting

By "ghosting" I mean putting on shells
and appearing as somebody else
to raise up some ruckus
and kick my own tuckus
but frankly the whole idea smells.

we wuz boarded by pirates last night
with their yo ho hos set to incite
we fought them bare-knuckled
they swashed and they buckled
but today there’s no sign of the fight

a pie rat known as the Black Beard
he tried to come in and be feared
some sharp critickers held him
till another one felled him
and sent him off with his tail quite seared

a piratical pie rat called Pete
scoffed his pie but felt quite unreplete
he set sail on a mission
of deep piecrust fishin’
commandeering the Fray Bentos fleet

there once was a young crusty pie
who for murder was sentenced to die
he requested the oven
but the cruel courtroom coven
cried out NO, EVIL PIE YOU MUST FRY!

one generally feels much affection
for a sweet gooey pastry confection
but the murderous ones
such as mad hot cross buns
are dealt death by a lethal injection